Ice only in my cocktails please

They say that if you ride bicycles long enough you'll break your collar bone. And I did break my collar bone. I just wasn't riding a bike.

Last Sunday I was walking out the front door. My girlfriend was ahead of me. She stepped on the concrete walk on my front yard, which appeared to be wet from melting snow. It turns out it was covered with a sheet of black ice. She slipped and fell, landing on her butt, back and hitting the back of her head. I went to her rescue and slipped too, landing hard on my left shoulder.



The doc said it'll hurt for two weeks, till it heals substantially. In the meantime, I'm taking happy pills. My girlfriend was tested for brain injuries - the CT was clean.

So, as much as I'd like to brag about breaking my collar bone while I was riding my bike on ice, defying the elements and common sense, that's not how it happened. So, please, by all means, ride your bikes on the icy path, you're just as likely to break a bone as you are walking to the grocery store.

PS: A few years ago Charlie chipped his hip bone when he fell on black ice, on the infamous icy bend of the path near Ohio beach. He was in pain and unable to bike for months. He's been terrified about riding over that ice ever since, just like I'll be terrified about leaving my house from now on. Any "funny" stories about biking on ice? Please share them. Happy riding!

PS2: The guy in the picture is not me: it's an artist's conception of who I would like to be as a cyclist and how I would have liked to break my collar bone instead of stupidly slipping on my front yard.

Follow-up on the vélophilia case

The man who got caught... err, "smooching" his bikefriend in Scotland has been sentenced to three years on probation and placed on the Sex Offenders Register. Thanks God that the system protects the right of bicycles to a decent, mount-free life. Still, the guy got off easy. He's lucky that he lives in a country with no family values -- had he lived in Texas we would've put him on the chair, where he belongs.

The latest news mention that Mr Stewart, 51, is a bachelor, which is a relief -- at least he didn�t add insult to injury by cheating on his wife with an inanimate object. That he is single also proves what Catholics have been saying for a long time: people who practice solitary pleasure end up having health problems... mental health problems.

Terrorists on wheels

That might as well have been the title of Claire McNear's column in the Chicago Maroon. My favorite passages:

it clacks its fierce metallic teeth and charges at students, clicking its gears menacingly

The University would be wise to [...] impose regulations upon the well-armed hooligans who circle our campus astride their potent death machines, forever in search of speed and the blood of innocents.

The article is a fine example of hysterical alarmism; it is hardly possible to take this overblown caricature seriously, let alone relate to it. A balanced presentation would have served Ms McNear's cause better.

Style considerations aside, the Maroon is right in pointing out the rude behavior of cyclists. (I am the first one to admit not respecting all traffic rules, although I don't ride on campus.) The problem lies in the "special" status of bikers: they're not pedestrians, but they're not accountable for respecting traffic laws either (or at least not forced to).

The solution is not "requiring cyclists to obtain licenses," as Ms McNear says. Who are we kidding? What difference is it gonna make to pass a test? And how much money would it cost the University to "train" the hundreds of bike users that join the neighborhood every year, as well as to administer the system?

The only things that would change the behavior of cyclists would be:

(a) Setting clear rules of where and how cyclists and pedestrians can share the campus roads and sideways. For example, are bikes supposed to use pedestrian crossings? Are they supposed to ride on the quads? Which areas are off limits for bikes? And so on.

(b) Enforcing those rules, as well as the regular traffic rules (does any day pass without seeing a biker going the wrong way in the street?)

Enforcement is probably the hardest and the most important part. But the UCPD is overburdened as it is. And lately they have to worry about people's getting shot, which seems more important than regulating bike traffic. I don't know how many cops you'd have to use to make a significant difference. Maybe you'd only need a few, especially if the penalties for careless or unlawful riding were steep.

But, again, in order to implement any enforcement system you first need to set clear rules about what you're not supposed to do while riding your bike on campus.

Non-doping cyclists finish Tour de France

All right, this is dated material, but hilarious nonetheless. Hat tip to Nora.

Non-Doping Cyclists Finish Tour De France (The Onion, August 30, 2007)

PARIS—A small but enthusiastic crowd of several dozen was on hand at the Tour de France's finish line on the Avenue des Champs-Élysées Tuesday to applaud the efforts of the 28 cyclists who completed the grueling 20-stage, 2,208.3-mile race without the aid of performance-enhancing drugs.

Great Britain's Bradley Wiggins finished the final 56km time trial in a respectable and drug-free 4 hours and 38 minutes.
Finland's Piet Kvistik, a domestique with the Crédit Mondial team, was this year's highest-finishing non-doping rider (142nd overall). Kvistik claimed the maillot propre, the blue jersey worn by the highest-placed "clean" rider, on the ninth stage of the race when the six riders who had previously worn it tested positive for EPO, elevated levels of testosterone, and blood-packing.

"This is a very, very proud day for me," said the 115-pound Kvistik, who lost 45% of his body mass during the event, toppled from his saddle moments after finishing, and had to be administered oxygen, fed intravenously, and injected with adrenaline by attending medical personnel. "They say it is...

Continue reading it here.

legal doping

From The Economist:

How to cheat without cheating
Nov 1st 2007

Athletes and the placebo effect


THE murky world of doping in sport may be about to get murkier still. Having spent decades trying to detect the use of performance-enhancing drugs, officials may soon be confronted with the paradoxical problem of detecting their non-use.

The reason for this paradox is the placebo effect: believing a treatment to be effective is sometimes enough to make it so. It is what lies at the heart of otherwise scientifically unproven fields such as homeopathy?and also, it must be said, at the heart of a lot of mainstream medicine. An analysis published a few years ago suggested that perhaps a third of medically approved drugs might be acting as placebos. And that thought led Fabrizio Benedetti and his colleagues at the University of Turin to wonder if the placebo effect might be important in sport, too. The answer is that it might.

Every year the World Anti-Doping Agency publishes a list of prohibited substances and methods, divided into those prohibited at all times and those outlawed only during competitions. Dr Benedetti observed that morphine falls into the second category. Since it is a painkiller, denying it to athletes in training would be unethical. It is forbidden during competitions because its painkilling properties would give users an unfair advantage, but the effect is short-lived?unlike, say, that of anabolic steroids that build up muscles.

Killing pain, however, is one of the things that the placebo effect is best at. In 1999 Dr Benedetti himself showed that someone who is injected with morphine for two days in a row experiences a powerful analgesic response not only on those days but also on the next, if the morphine is replaced by a placebo without his knowledge. That led Dr Benedetti to wonder if the effect of legally administered pre-competition morphine might, perfectly legally, be carried over into a competition by giving a placebo.

In their new experiment, published this week in the Journal of Neuroscience, he and his colleagues simulated a sporting competition by pitting four teams of ten athletic young men against each other in a pain-endurance test. With a tourniquet strapped around one forearm, these men had to squeeze a hand-spring exerciser repeatedly until pain forced them to stop. Their scores, measured by the time they managed to keep going, were averaged over the whole team.

One of the teams received a morphine injection just before training sessions held two weeks and one week before the contest, and an injection of saline solution on the big day, along with the suggestion that it was morphine. Another received the same regime, but the saline was combined with naloxone, an opiate-blocking drug. The remaining teams received either no treatment at all, or the placebo on competition day alone.

Members of the team that received morphine followed by a placebo were able to endure significantly more pain during the competition than any of their rivals. In particular, those injected with naloxone did no better than the other two control groups. This finding supports the theory that placebos reduce pain by encouraging the brain to produce more natural opiates than usual.

Although hand-spring squeezing is not yet an Olympic sport, it is a good enough surrogate to suggest that these effects might be shown in real competitions, too. So the question is, how useful would Dr Benedetti's observations be, should they be taken up by an unscrupulous but legalistic coach?

That depends how cynical athletes really are. The placebo effect depends on what the recipient believes is happening, so he would have to think he was cheating, even though, strictly, he wasn't. Also, if the practice became widespread, it would be hard to maintain the fiction that the injection on competition day contained the drug. On the other hand, as Dr Benedetti observes, doctors have been getting away with giving placebos for millennia, and their patients still fall for it. Perhaps if it were sold to athletes as a form of homeopathy, they would not ask too many awkward questions.

frame pumps

I've noticed that a few people have trouble inflating their tires on the road. I don't mind letting you use my pump, but one day you'll be riding by yourself or with somebody with an unusable pump, and you'll get stranded. It's a good idea to try to inflate your tires with your frame pump at home, and make sure that it works. If it doesn't, most likely there is a problem with one of the rubber pieces inside the head of the pump. You can try to replace the piece, or buy a decent frame pump.

Many of those little frame pumps that people use are very cute and light, but completely ineffective at actually pumping air into your tires. I'd recommend that you buy a pump from the Topeak Morph series. This one for example. A feature I always look for in a frame pump is a hose, so that you won't bend the valve stem when you're pumping hard. (To minimize that risk, you should also use tubes with threaded valve stems.) Another handy feature is a fold-out foot pad that you can step on, so that you can use your frame pump exactly as if it was a floor pump. Some of these Topeak Morph come with a gauge. The model I link to in this post, and which I own, can inflate your tires up to 140+ psi (it takes me time and patience, but I can get there).

I don't know where you can find these pumps for the lowest price, but even if you spend 30 bucks on one, it's money well spent.

Does anyone know where I can buy a sleeve for my frame pump? I want to protect it from water and dirt, so I'm using an umbrella sleeve. But my cranks rub on it and already made some holes, so I need to find something better. (Plus, it looks awful.)

Guy does bike, may go to jail

Check out this story about a man arrested for having sex with a bicycle, via the Dilbert blog:

Man who had sex with bike in court
By Richard Alleyne

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

You can read the whole story here.

What should we call this sexual perversion? Vélophilia? Bikecest? And how many guys like him are out there? What’s the size of this market? Bikes as sex toys: we could’ve found a new niche for the bike industry!!! J, you should call one of those Taiwanese bike factories right now and start working on a prototype… I bet they could present it at the Interbike show next year. People would buy them on the spot: you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…

The story gives a whole new meaning to all those conversations about the feel of titanium versus carbon… Or about whether carbon is stiffer... Do you think they were having a good time? I bet bikes are too cold in bed.

Poor guy, not only he gets caught in the throes with his bike, but they arrest him. On what charges? Humping an inanimate object? Since when is that a criminal offense? Let's be open-minded here: some guys like inflatable dolls, some others like bicycles… What's the problem?

I mean, I love my bike, but I’ve never made it past the first of the four C's with her (Conversating, Cavorting, Canoodling and Consummating). Speaking about her, do you see bikes as males or females? In Catalan (as well as in the other Romance languages), objects have gender. And bikes are feminine objects in Catalan as well as in Spanish, which is quite convenient for me. I wouldn’t want to ride a male bike.

By the way, did you guys have a good ride today? I mean, a real ride. Outside, on the path. Pedaling. Grabbing the handlebars, not the love handles…

UPDATE (11/23/2007): Follow up on the story here.

drafting cartoon

bombproof tires

The Schwalbe Stelvio Plus tires are the most puncture-resistant, durable tires I've ever used or heard of. I've used mine for over 9 months now, non-stop, rain or shine, dry or wet, not even checking their surface for bits of broken glass or debris, and I've only had one flat. One. And they still have plenty of life left: I'm planning on riding them for another winter.

They're not light tires (300+ g), and they look like 25c, rather than the 23c they are. And they're a bit pricey, for a training tire, but worth every penny. And you might be able to get them for a reasonable price at Tati (I think he's carrying the full Schwalbe line).

You can buy a "glamorous" version, the Schwalbe Ultremos, as durable and puncture-resistant as the Stelvio Plus, but much lighter and faster. Some people claim it's the best clincher out there right now. But those sell at a "glamorous" price.

I don't think I'll ever get tired of my Stelvio Plus (no pun intended).

hilarious poster

Ladies, don't drink this coffee...