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Man who had sex with bike in court
By Richard Alleyne
A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.
You can read the whole story here.
What should we call this sexual perversion? Vélophilia? Bikecest? And how many guys like him are out there? What’s the size of this market? Bikes as sex toys: we could’ve found a new niche for the bike industry!!! J, you should call one of those Taiwanese bike factories right now and start working on a prototype… I bet they could present it at the Interbike show next year. People would buy them on the spot: you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…
The story gives a whole new meaning to all those conversations about the feel of titanium versus carbon… Or about whether carbon is stiffer... Do you think they were having a good time? I bet bikes are too cold in bed.
Poor guy, not only he gets caught in the throes with his bike, but they arrest him. On what charges? Humping an inanimate object? Since when is that a criminal offense? Let's be open-minded here: some guys like inflatable dolls, some others like bicycles… What's the problem?
I mean, I love my bike, but I’ve never made it past the first of the four C's with her (Conversating, Cavorting, Canoodling and Consummating). Speaking about her, do you see bikes as males or females? In Catalan (as well as in the other Romance languages), objects have gender. And bikes are feminine objects in Catalan as well as in Spanish, which is quite convenient for me. I wouldn’t want to ride a male bike.
By the way, did you guys have a good ride today? I mean, a real ride. Outside, on the path. Pedaling. Grabbing the handlebars, not the love handles…
UPDATE (11/23/2007): Follow up on the story here.
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